Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

~Bill Watterson
You grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself.

“You grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself.”

~Ethel Barrymore
No matter how great the talent or efforts, some things just take time.

“No matter how great the talent or efforts, some things just take time. You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.”

~Warren Buffett
Forgive me. I continue to underestimate the breadth of your ignorance.

“Forgive me. I continue to underestimate the breadth of your ignorance.”

~Ransom Riggs
I don't need to flirt, I will seduce you with my awkwardness.

“I don't need to flirt, I will seduce you with my awkwardness.”

~Unknown
One thought-murder a day keeps the psychiatrist away.

“One thought-murder a day keeps the psychiatrist away.”

~Saul Bellow
I've found the Key to Happiness. Stay the Hell away from Assholes!

“I've found the Key to Happiness. Stay the Hell away from Assholes!”

~Unknown
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.

“It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.”

~Arthur C. Clarke
I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best.

“I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best.”

~Walt Whitman
Reading can seriously damage your ignorance.

“Reading can seriously damage your ignorance.”

~Unknown
I know this will seem a bit crazy, but if you want to know something about me, the best person to ask, is me.

“I know this will seem a bit crazy, but if you want to know something about me, the best person to ask, is me.”

~Unknown
Lets take a moment to thank Earphones. For helping us to ignore all stupid people around us.

“Let’s take a moment to thank Earphones. For helping us to ignore all stupid people around us.”

~Unknown
An old quote says that none can fool all the people ALL THE TIME, but the fact is that no one can do this

“An old quote says that none can fool all the people ALL THE TIME, but the fact is that no one can do this AT ANY TIME as some persons are surely going to be privy to it AT EACH TIME.”

~Anuj Somany
I've only met about 3-4 people who genuinely understand me. Everyone else just assumes I'm angry, sarcastic or an asshole.

“I've only met about 3-4 people who genuinely understand me. Everyone else just assumes I'm angry, sarcastic or an asshole.”

~Unknown
People Say I Have a Bad Attitude, I Say Screw 'Em

“People Say I Have a Bad Attitude, I Say Screw 'Em.”

~Unknown
Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

“Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.”

~Unknown
When you’ve done something wrong, admit it and be sorry.

“When you’ve done something wrong, admit it and be sorry. No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride.”

~Unknown
You know they make medicine for the way you act.

“You know they make medicine for the way you act.”

~Unknown
The Universe is Made of Protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.

“The Universe is Made of Protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.”

~Unknown
It's funny how the harder I work, the more successful I become.

“It's funny how the harder I work, the more successful I become.”

~Jack Warner
I used to care what people thought about me, until one day, I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.

“I used to care what people thought about me, until one day, I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.”

~Unknown
Instead of Have a nice day ... I think I'll start saying

Instead of "Have a nice day" ...
I think I'll start saying
"Have the day you deserve"!

Ya know, let karma sort that shit out.

~Unknown
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.

“Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.”

~Unknown